no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
