All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
