If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
