I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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