I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
