I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
