They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
