So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
