So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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