I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
