guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
