i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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