if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
