we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
