My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
