I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
