I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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