my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
