the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
