I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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