If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
