When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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