i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
