you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
