just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
