I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
