Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
