based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
