So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
