you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
