I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
