Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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