Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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