its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
