People in love make me want to vomit
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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