I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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