haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
