hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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