Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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