Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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