I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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