I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
