is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
