Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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