I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
