Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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