I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
did you just send me my own nude
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
