The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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