i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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