My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
