New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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