i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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