Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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