He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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